5 Things to Look for in a Mentor

5 things to look for in a mentor


Mentors are everything. If you don’t have a mentor in your life then it’s time to get one. No man is an island and all that. Stop believing you can figure it out on your own and instead take your growth to the next level.

Once you find a mentor that rocks your (inner) world you’ll never look back.

When I was young my mentor was my grandfather. He was my everything. He would tell me stories of his life and how he overcame hardships and painful moments in life. He would always look at me with pride and love regardless of my behavior. He would also challenge me and ask provocative questions. He didn’t hold back.

Like a true mentor, he was present in our conversations and was curious and open to my way of thinking.

Here’s the thing. A mentor is not someone that just loves you. A mentor is not someone that tells you “don’t worry, everything will be ok”. A mentor, a coach, is someone that helps you go beyond what you believe is possible for you.

The biggest mistake I see people make is choosing a mentor that needs to be liked and therefore never dares to take you beyond your comfort zone.

A great mentor doesn’t give a shit if you love them or not. A great mentor has no need for you to like them. A great mentor is fearless in guiding you towards your freedom and holds you fearlessly to your vision. An excellent mentor holds you to the truth of what your thinking is costing you.

The best mentors are not afraid of making you uncomfortable. And no, I’m not talking about the “Try harder!” way of coaching. I’m talking about the way of coaching that makes you grow exponentially and see yourself and your thinking in a radically different way.

I’m talking about coaching that transforms you from the inside out and helps you see who you truly are at the core of your being.

Here are 5 things to look for in a Mentor:

1. Compassion

You want a mentor that has been where you are now. Who deeply knows what it feels like to be beaten, broken and feel utter despair. You want a mentor who has faced big life challenges and knows what it takes to overcome them. Here’s where compassion comes in and when you connect with each other at a deep level. Your mentor knows how you feel.

2. Generosity

You want a mentor that shares freely of their knowledge, their wisdom and any tools, strategies, resources, and ideas. A mentor who is not afraid you’ll “steal their knowledge” but on the contrary, wants above anything else for you to benefit from their life experience so that you don’t have to make the same mistakes they did.

3. Integrity

You want a mentor that holds themselves 100% accountable for their OWN behavior and expects of you to do the same. You do not want a mentor that holds him/herself accountable for YOUR results.  Your results or lack thereof are your responsibility only. Period. If you can’t show up with full integrity and you want a mentor/coach who will do the work for you then hire a babysitter. Or grow up.

4. Fearlessness

You want a mentor that doesn’t hold back. A coach who is fearless and doesn’t need your approval will take you beyond your imagination and together you’ll create space for mind-blowing change. This is crucial. If your mentor is scared you’ll get upset and therefore doesn’t show you the truth of your thinking then abort! Abort! Abort! A mentor who holds back will keep you stuck forever.

5.  A sense of humor

If you can’t laugh out loud at your own thinking then you’ve understood nothing of how the human experience works so then it’s time to find a new mentor.